99 Problems with a few Points of Authority
by BrolyFTMFW
Summary: Oh yah...ask Aizen and he will answer...
1. Tom Green FTMFW

A/N: This is something easy for the next two weeks - yep, I'm getting back into the fanfic swing of things (in terms of writing)...this idea is popular in the DBZ section...how will it fare here?

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any real people in the world.

Aizen was slowly being pulled up into Hueco Mundo by virtue of Negacion. As he entered the new realm, Soul Society disappeared from his vision, and he was surrounded by darkness.

After an interminable period of time, Aizen Sousuke woke up to find himself in a vanilla white room. Behind him were several screens that displayed pictures of himself.

"This isn't Hueco Mundo..." he spoke out loud.

"Welcome, Aizen." Said shinigami turned to his left to see a large armchair swiveling around to meet him. Its occupant was a middle aged man with jet black hair, cold dark brown eyes, and a white flannel suit.

"Who are you?" Aizen was actually...unsure of something for once; his fingers twitched in favor of unsheathing Kyouka Suigetsu.

"Put that away...it's no use here, although I must say your new look is rather intimidating. No one likes an insanely god modded villain who looks like a nerd."

Aizen gave his trademark smirk. "You still haven't said your name yet; Normally I would just hypnotise you, but it seems you're already aware of that."

"Yes Aizen...nothing gets past me because I am...the architect."

Aizen's eyes widened in shock. _Is this the Spirit King?_

"I see you are shocked. No, I am not the Spirit King...and you will not know anything else until you answer some questions..."

"What kind of questions?" Aizen inquired.

"Oh you'll see..." the architect gave an odious grin matching Aizen's in complete superiority.

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Ask questions, and he will respond people..._  
_


	2. GET THE POO OFF MY BUM TOM GREEN

"…here is your first question, Aizen."

A hologram flickered to life in front of Aizen Sousuke, who stepped back to read the translucent text.

'Here is a question...why did you make Halibel so damn hot?  
And can you make more hot espada girls?  
Please?'

Aizen scoffed before replying, "Who is this Halibel? My current Espada group consists of only one girl by the name of Cirucci Thunderwitch. However, now that I have Hougyoku I should be able to create superior arrancar. To be an espada means you are one of the ten strongest arrancar in Hueco Mundo; while most of them might be men, if the strongest were by some ironic twist of fate all female, it would not matter to me. So to answer directly, I cannot and will not "make" more espadas…the menos grandes who were the strongest before their transformations will be the new set."

"What a well-thought out answer," the architect replied.

"What else would you expect?" Aizen responded with a slight smirk.

The Second question apparated almost instantly:

'When you were a taicho, why did you dress like such a... well dork? I thought you were cute ONCE, but really I understand you must look innocent, but still, those glasses were too much. YOU'RE STILL CUTE! I'm gonna fangirl you!' 

"Look into my unobstructed eyes and try to tell me you would trust me without spectacles. That's right, you can't…the innocent act was the critical component in driving Seiretei to new levels of complacency. Hinamori-kun makes an excellent case study for the false ease that pervaded that Court of 'pure' souls. You don't actually think I'm cute though. I just cast Kyouka Suigetsu on girls like you to keep your type out of my plans."

"Wow, Aizen….next question."

'Okz...first question:  
Are you gay?  
I'm serious, people!! In case you haven't noticed, all of his Arrancars are GUYS, and he particularly favours Ichimaru...And that would be so cool! The evil guy is gay!

Second question:  
Who would you like to kill more? (Ahem sorry about the dark questions)  
1 - Hinamori 2 - Hitsu-chan (NO!!) 3 - That Grimmjaw guy 'cuz he seems to really hate him 4 - yourself...'

Aizen actually took this time to let out a chuckle. "It's amazing what the female species and the young in general come up with. Are you saying I should have been more like Kaname's vice-captain? In any case, your analysis is completely wrong and you should probably wait a good decade before you think of asking me another question. I'll be kind enough to explain a few basic things for you though. First, being on a first name basis with a man does not imply homosexuality but in the mind of a hormonally-imbalanced girl. Gin has the detached mindset needed to remain loyal to my goals. In fact, I trust him more than Kaname and yet I reached out to the other man several years before Gin became my vice-captain. I already explained why most arrancar tend to be males-"

"-those people on the 'good side' sure love to turn their antagonists into the thing they despise! Rapists, homosexuals, you name it they create it. How little they understand your true orientation, Aizen," the architect butted in.

"Alas, this world is not ready for asexuality. That is why what I am attempting must succeed…my main concern right now is Gin entertaining thoughts of defecting and returning to that shell of a person named Rangiku Matsumoto...I still have no idea what Gin saw in her, but that was before I showed him the light. Onto your next part: I would not kill anyone unless it would help me in some way. If you made me choose right now, and ignore the fact that I do not know who 'Grimmjaw' is…Hinamori-kun is better off dead ; she cannot live without me, so why not have her die in peace like I intended for her to?"

"Heh, that was a first class rape right there," the architect finally spoke up.

"I assume you mean the figurative kind…how many more questions do I have to answer?"

"Just one more for now, but you're staying here….well here it is…"

what is your stance on gay marriage?

Aizen sighed in disdain. "I suppose I will have to delve into my ideologies right now. I believe all marriage is based on the false pretense known as a declaration of love. That emotion itself is useless, and for anyone who says you need to harness it in order to gain true power…I beg to differ. I spent decades maximizing my abilities in the four areas of shinigami combat. One does not need to love to get stronger. The will to protect is equally as fierce as the will to win, which has been my drive all these years…I will win this war and stand in heaven when all is said and done. Thereon, I will create a new world where my stance on marriage is widely accepted as the most logical perspective. Soul Society, Hueco Mundo, and the living realm will all accept my ideas as canon because they can ultimately lead to a better society. Thus, I am obliged to declare that marriage between two males, two females, and a male and a female are equally pitiful and that asexuality is the answer to much of the problems arising from the debilitating feelings of lust and love."

"Bravo, Aizen. Bravo…" Aizen made a half turn to see the back of the architect's chair facing him.

"Send me to Hueco Mundo at once," the ex-captain resolutely demanded.

Slowly, the chair swiveled around to show the condescending smirk that had secretly been aggravating Aizen since he first met this man.

"Ah ah ah…you didn't say the magic word!"

LOL that is based off of the password block on the computer from Jurassic Park. Who remember that? Of course I would, I saw that movie 15 times in 2 months when I was 7….

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more questions...


	3. H to the IZZO

A/N: LOL! No one likes Aizen. Meh, fuck the haters.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

Aizen was furious. How could this fool stop him just as he was making his way to Hueco Mundo? Now he was stuck here with more questions to answer.

"Yes, Aizen," the architect spoke up. "_More_ questions..."

The first question was displayed:

"Yo, did mary really have a little Hrram, little hrram, little hrram?"

Before he could even attempt to answer that, Aizen was cut off by the architect. "Yes, Heej, mary had a little hram whose gold was sold by jews...now off to malubar hills ye go!"

Before Sousuke could respond to that preposterous retort, the second question appeared

"How could you do such a thing to Hinamori! I mean come on, she really admired you. But you stabed her!"

Feeling like he was repeating himself, Aizen sighed. "There is nothing easier to manipulate than someone who who admires you. Remember this well," he gave a crazy grin. "Admiration is the furthest thing from comprehension."

"You already said that ya bum!" the architect yelled. "I wanted you to say how she's a SUB!"

For the first time in decades, the great mastermind was genuinely confused. "SUB?"

"Yeah! Stupid Ugly Bitch! Or Short Ugly Bitch! Like that Kuchiki..." the architect trailed off.

"Don't worry, I'm sure everyone knows that already, especially Hitsugaya-kun," the other man smirked. How he wished the tenth division captain could hear that exchange. It would have been priceless to lay his ass out one more time, just for kicks.

Before the conversation could continue, however, a new question arrived:

"I don't think you could have pulled off that act without more help than just Ichimaru and Tousen. Are there more conspirators that are staying behind in Soul Society for spying or other unknown reasons?"

Closing his eyes with a smile and contemplating the ramifications of answering such a question, Aizen responded after much deliberation.

"You shall find out soon enough...it wouldn't be much fun if I ruined the surprises now would it?"

"Wow, way to leave us in the dark, ya dirtbag," the architect mocked.

Using all of his restraint, Aizen kept a straight face. The following question was displayed:

"Well, Aizen, why does Gin look so damn sexy in both uniforms and you look so ugly acting as king?  
And...

Are you bipolar?"

"Much easier questions," the 'king' concluded. "Examine what is said, not who speaks. And no, I''m not bipolar like Kuchiki Rukia."

"Agreed," the other man lazily replied. "That Rukia is one psychotic bitch... oh and the next question is a doozie so I edited some parts out for ya."

"Why does everyone think you're gay? I mean I'm curious what you do to relieve your "special" needs? So what do you do? To style your hair like that did you steal Hitsugaya's hair gel? Plus, do you plan on having heirs just in case? What are your views on Matsumoto's chest and how Gin her were together? Ever jealous? Do you love anyone?!"

Aizen winced at the stupidity of whoever sent him this question. Surely no one could have that short of an attention span...or that small of a brain, could they?

"I already answered the first three. I don't steal anything from that boy, and I do not plan on having any heirs. Gin needs to overcome his feelings for that incompetent hussy or else he'll end up dying as well. So no, I am not jealous and I already answered the last question." He was surprised that he didn't look the least bit flustered while saying it.

"Ok...well, I got a naughty naughty question here," the architect intervened.

"Where do Aizen and all those guys go to the bathroom? Seriously, it's like there's no bathroom...? Or do they piss in their pants?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that," Aizen said. Upon the architect's questioning look, he continued, "If I answer that question, my intelligence might drop...sharply."

"Fine, ya baby, I'll answer," the architect grumbled. "Shinigami have to eat, drink, and make toilet like humans...next question."

"What do you do in your spare time? Sudoku?"

Eyes widening in surprise, the former fifth squad leader replied, "Actually, I've been to the real world and listened to that human band 'Linkin Park.' That song 'One Step Closer' sounds like something people would say to me, and whoever wrote those lyrics is crafty." Obviously, he was referring to his fellow Russian-Japanese hybrid brother.

"Holy shit, are you serious?" the architect asked.

"Of course not, but I knew you'd react that way," the other man smirked, drawing the architect's ire.

"Yeah...well, Sudoku is trash, and so is this final question!" he pointed to the hologram.

"You know, Aizen, you're screwing up a lot of lives up with your little war thing. Have you ever considered the love lives of some of the people involved? Who are your least favorite couples, and who would you support?

Also, if you had to choose one shinigami to become your 'mate', whom would you choose? And no witty, elusive answers, taichou. Choose. Preferably some one of the opposite gender"

With a soft chuckle and a slight clearing of his throat, Aizen answered. "I don't care for anyone's love lives and I don't care for any couples. However, that ryoka's face when I retrieved Hougyoku from Kuchiki Rukia was priceless, I'll admit. And of course, I will never mate; that would only dilute my own power and make me dependent on someone else. If that is too 'witty' or 'elusive' for you, I'm sorry. Had you asked a better question, I might have given a better answer to placate you."

"BWAHAHAHA RAAAAAAAAPE!" the architect howled, kicking his legs to and fro in his seat.

"What's your age, 'architect'?" Aizen curiously asked. Surely this guy couldn't be more than 20 years old, or at the very least an idiot like Isshin Kurosaki.

Suddenly, the architect got a crazy gleam in his eye and curled his hands into fists.

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!"

More hell for Aizen next time. You keep on askin, he'll keep on talkin'.


End file.
